The Anti-Bride

Mike tells people I've done most of the wedding planning stuff because he's no good at it.  I cringe.  Ali and I went to the Kleinfeld's accessory sale (and found nothing) earlier this month and they were filming Say Yes to the Dress in the next room.  She jokingly asked me if I would ever go on that show. (I think there's a pretty obvious answer to that question.)  I told her that if TLC ever made a show about future brides who procrastinate, cut corners, and don't give a crap about most of the details, then I'd be the perfect episode.  Props go to brides who care, and I'm trying but I'm generally useless.  I see all these cute things but I have zero motivation to actually use them or come up with my own ideas.  (Flowers?  Centerpieces?  Whatever, something with a lot of green.  Bridesmaid shoes?  Ali, go find some. Table linens?  Um....?)

I love the broad ideas surrounding weddings: getting everyone you love all in one place at one time, dressing up, eating and drinking, and making a public commitment to your person.  I love all that.  But there are several things about weddings that I don't understand one bit, and I will likely try to avoid in our own wedding.   Numbers two and three are still on the table to some degree, but probably won't make it to the final cut.

1. Garter toss.  I feel no desire to have Mike dig up my skirt to some strip-teasey song for a useless article of clothing that no one ever wears anymore.  I'm not wearing one, he's not tossing it.  
2. Wedding cake.  The whole thing about freezing the top layer and eating it on your first anniversary is nauseating.  Do people seriously do that?  Plus, I don't like cake unless my grandmother made it.  Cupcakes are cuter. 
3. Favors.  What in the world am I supposed to pick out to give to 100+ people of varying ages and interests?  Everything I've seen so far is maxed out on the cheese scale or just kitschy.  The only nice ones are always something made by the bride or the bridesmaids. We all know that's not happening.  
4. Religious undertones/overtones in the ceremony.  We're getting married outside for a reason.  Everyone knows we don't go to church.  Why would we pretend like we do? 
5. The tradition of not seeing each other before the ceremony.  I live with this man.  I see him all the time.  I want to see my friends during the reception and cocktail hour, and therefore will do the pictures beforehand so I don't have to sneak away and miss half the fun. 

All in all, aside from the whole getting everyone together, eating and drinking, making a commitment part, weddings are weird. :)