To Be a Skeeter

A few months ago I finally read The Help by Kathryn Stockett.  Correction: a few months ago I finally downloaded and listened to The Help on audiobook, and Mike and I recently watched the movie version.  (Those commercials about audible.com being super awesome are dead on, by the way. Cheap audiobooks are the only reason I've "read" any fiction at all in the last year.)  I loved the book and also really enjoyed the movie; the story touches something in me that's hard to describe.  While the ending comes off as a triumph for the protagonists, so much of the plot gnaws at me, disturbs me, and makes me feel very unsettled and self-doubting.

If you haven't read this book, you should.  It's about women living in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960s, some of whom are rich white ladies, some of whom are black maids that work for the rich white ladies.  One of my main characters, Skeeter, is constantly being shown in increasing juxtaposition with one of the side characters, Hilly.  Hilly is a friend of Skeeter's who seems to be the big kahuna in their particular social circle.  She is head of the local women's league, organizes bridge games, and seems to be every other girl's best friend, all while making the most ignorant, spiteful comments about everyone around her, but especially the maids.  Hilly is an absolutely awful human being who presents no redeeming qualities whatsoever.  The confusion and lies surrounding race that have been thrust on her and her friends by their surroundings and upbringing is exacerbated by Hilly's intense desire for control and superiority, so she comes off not only as racist (because pretty much all the white characters in the book come off as racist to us) but as vengeful, vindictive, and just plain old deplorable.  Skeeter, on the other hand, ends the book looking like something of a hero, having stood up to the status quo despite the isolation it has caused her.  I'd argue the only heroes in this story are the maids; Skeeter faces friendlessness for her defiance but the maids risk their very lives to speak out about the unfairness that comes with being black in the 1960s deep South.  But that's beside the point.  The point is that by the end of the story, the reader (listener) sees Hilly and Skeeter on opposite sides.

It's easy for us to look at Hilly with contempt and anger, wondering how anyone could be so stupid and so mean.  When I think about the story of The Help I find myself praying with all my might that, had I been alive in such a time and such a place, I would be a Skeeter.  This is the root of why the book really sticks with me, the unsettling notion that I am, in any way, like Hilly Holbrook, that I am in with her lot.  I can't be an Aibileen, and much as I'd love it, I can't be a Minnie.  No matter how much I try to understand it, I'll never feel their struggle, and I'll never be as honorable or as strong as they are.  So while I abhor everything Hilly stands for, I have to face up to the fact that I am in with her lot.  I am white, I am privileged, I am lucky.  I face no challenges in life because of how I look or who I love.  I can choose to use my privilege wisely, compassionately, and humbly; I can be a Skeeter.  Upon recognition of my unfair advantages, I feel guilty and uncomfortable and a little ashamed.  So I keep trying to understand the struggle, with no firsthand experience of it whatsoever.  I continue to feel guilty, but that seems a pretty small cross to bear, comparably speaking.

Here's the thing: if you think history won't look at our generation's own malicious forms of bigotry the same way we scowl and cringe at Hilly, you are deluding yourself.  So, you have to stand up for your choice.  Hilly or Skeeter?  Yesterday or tomorrow?

...Which brings me to my final point.  Though none of us can say for certain that we would have been on the right side of history then, it appears that our President has {finally} picked his side now, and I am so whole-heartedly with him.  Obama/Biden(/Skeeter) 2012.

Losing Battles

OK, it's rant time.  In the last two weeks, there have been some really unnecessarily controversial news stories that have blown up the airwaves and the interwebs.  I have a lot of pent-up rage directed towards morons right now, and so here I'll attempt to exercise that rage and react to the ridiculousness that is the religious right.

1. Let's start with the craziest.  As the whole world knows, Komen for the Cure declared that it was pulling its funding from Planned Parenthood because the organization is currently under investigation (by a crazy lady in congress who's making outrageous claims about PP's use of federal funds.  All evidence points to her being completely and ridiculously wrong about all accusations).  Thankfully, this decision was overturned and the vindictive, overly imposing bitch who pushed for it has resigned.  The fact remains, however, that this was an absurd thing to have happened in the first place.  I was amazed and impressed that the power of social media pressured Komen to restore its funding, but why in the hell did it have to come to this?  Put this in your pipe and smoke it: 97% of the work done at PP is women's well care - things like breast cancer screenings, annual exams, and family planning.  Within the other 3%, yes, there are abortions, paid for by the private dollars of PP contributors (like me).  I believe that complete, unrestricted access to full reproductive freedom is essential if we ever want to live in a world where women and men can be considered equal, and that includes access to safe, legal abortions (because a man can do whatever he wants with his body with zero resulting consequences, and women should not be forced to bear that burden alone if they do not want to).  If you don't understand that point, that women need control over their bodies in order to strive for full equality, than you are either very naive and privileged, or a man, in which case I envy you for your ignorance as I humbly request that you keep your nose out of things you don't understand.  But let's forget the abortion debate for a moment (and not discuss the fact that by the time they're forty, nearly 1 in 4 women will have had one, most of whom identify as Catholic or Christian).  I'll continue to drive home the point that most of PP's work is well-women care, and often for women who have no place else to go.  Think about it - what kind of women use PP as their primary source of healthcare?  Rural, inner-city, and minority women who otherwise could not afford such basic needs as annual examinations.  These under-represented women need and deserve these services, some of which are undeniably life-saving.  The campaign against Planned Parenthood for the last few years is nothing short of racist, elitist, and a giant waste of resources, and again, people who don't understand that are naive and confused, and I'm envious yet again.

2. The announcement that Barack Obama wants all organizations to include birth control coverage in their health insurance plans for employees has put the Catholic Church on the defensive, and big time.  The Church claims that providing the basic ability to control when a woman becomes a mother is against their moral imperative.  They want to include exemptions to the birth control rule that include not just Catholic hospitals and Universities, but also any employer who identifies as Catholic and therefore is against birth control.  NEWS FLASH: 98% of Catholic women will use birth control at some point in their lives, and a majority of Catholics, according to a Pew research poll, believe that women should have access to birth control regardless of who their boss is.  The bishops and the Church in general have absolutely no ground on which to stand.  What's worse is the way the Republican candidates for President are treating this decision, calling it an affront to religious liberty.  You have got to be kidding me.  The Catholic Church's antiquated, ridiculous, and totally top-down stance on birth control is a more important freedom than that of a woman to prevent an unwanted pregnancy?!  I shouldn't be surprised, that's Republicans for you, and they are doing a great job capitalizing on this moment in favor of a Church whose members have historically been against the political leanings of the organization.

3.  Now that I've ranted and raved about women's rights for two long paragraphs, let's end with something happy that has happened in our country.  This week, California's absurd Proposition 8 was declared unconstitutional by a circuit court of appeals, and Washington State passed a bill for gay marriage that will be signed into law by the governor soon.  According to the court of appeals, the constitution "requires there be at least a legitimate reason for treating different classes of people differently."  Could it be any clearer?  Of course, the supporters of Prop 8 will try to take the case to the Supreme Court, but it's a meaningful victory nonetheless.  I am so thoroughly ashamed of every American who seriously thinks that gay marriage is something to be fought against, and in contrast I'm fervently proud to live in a state where marriage equality now exists. (I also admire our Mayor's campaign for equality before the NYS senate vote last summer - he called out the GOP stance against gay marriage as an affront to economic, legal liberty and said that those who continue to fight against marriage equality will soon find yourself on the wrong side of history.  So true.)

My point in all this is that no matter how you look at it, the religious right in this country has spiraled out of control in its hypocrisy.  If you are so religious and so into the sanctity of marriage and life, why don't you throw your time, energy, money, and resources at fixing a legitimate problem?  Start with childhood hunger, illiteracy, drug use, and domestic violence.  I am not saying that our nation's churches are doing nothing on these fronts, but I'm certainly saying that if they were to simply forgo battles like gay marriage and abortion, they could be doing a lot more.  And you simply have to face it; whether you like it or not, the religious right will eventually lose these battles.  The children of our generation will have access to full reproductive control, and they will be able to take part in whatever kinds of marriages they and their friends see fit, provided of course that the bigotry and closed-mindedness of their parents doesn't keep them stuck in the past.  The religious right has got to stop championing these positions that promote hatred and discrimination under the guise of morality and religion; they have it backwards (the GOP candidates calling on the first amendment to limit women's access to birth control is the first world version of defending female genital mutilation as a "cultural practice" in Africa).  When are they going to realize the obvious - these are battles against the inevitable.  Can they make life harder for a young black woman trying to get birth control, or a gay man trying assert his commitment to a partner?  Sure they can, but they won't, in the long run, be able to keep it up.  I wonder why there's no one in the party or the church who isn't too short-sighted to ask: is this something you want to be remembered for?

Is that hate-centric, ignorant set of beliefs worth millions of dollars and a monopolization of airtime and political debate when there are more important problems to which we could attend?  Not even remotely.